The phrase “Stendiamo un velo pietoso”

This is the most common version, the one you’ll hear most often. There are also other versions. For example, some people say: “Preferisco stendere un velo pietoso”. Or: “È meglio stendere un velo pietoso”. Or: “Meglio se stendiamo un velo pietoso”. Well, I guess you see what I mean.

This idiomatic phrase is very interesting because it has a quite sad origin, but nowadays it is mostly used in a humorous way.

Its etymology is the following.

In the past, in the Middle Ages, when someone died, people used to draw a veil over the corpse. What is a veil? A veil is a piece of cloth similar to a blanket.

When someone died, usually due to plague, what did others do? They drew a veil over the corpse, a veil referred to as “pietoso” (merciful).

Why was it called “velo pietoso”? Because those who drew this veil did that out of pity, moved by pity.

In what sense moved by pity? This was typically done when people died of plague, of bubonic plague. Those who died because of this disease had their body devastated, their body was full of scars.

Therefore, to avoid that the family see their own relative in such conditions, people used to draw a merciful veil over the face and the entire body. Out of pity for the relatives, but also out of respect for the dead.

Because people rightly believed that the dead still had the right to dignity. So people didn’t leave the corpse just like that, uncovered, visible to everyone. They covered the corpse up with a blanket, with a veil.

So this is what “stendere un velo pietoso” literally means. It essentially means covering a corpse up with a blanket, with a veil, in sign of respect and pity to this person’s relatives.

Despite its literal meaning, which is rather tragic, today people use this phrase figuratively in a humorous way. Nowadays, what does it mean when someone says “Preferisco stendere un velo pietoso su questa cosa”?

It means: I prefer not to talk about that, I prefer to make no comments, I prefer not to comment on it. What’s implied? It’s implied: I prefer not to comment because this thing speaks for itself, it is already embarrassing that this person did that, so I prefer not to say anything, not to add anything out of respect for this person.

This idiom is typically used when someone makes a bad impression.

For example, a friend of mine could tell me: “Yo, did you see that the premier in his last speech got all subjunctive forms wrong?”

I could comment this way: “Yeah, right, whatever. Preferisco stendere un velo pietoso”. Or, a more common wording would be: “Yeah, right. Stendiamo un velo pietoso, va”.

You know when journalists try to interview someone, but actually this person doesn’t want to talk. The journalists asks some questions, they stand by with their microphone, and basically this person just say “No comment”.

Well, the idea behind the phrase “stendiamo un velo pietoso” is similar to the idea expressed by “No comment”. What’s the difference, though? The phrase “No comment” means: I don’t want to comment, I don’t want to make any comments.

By contrast, “stendiamo un velo pietoso” is typically used in a humorous way. That is, when someone says “stendiamo un velo pietoso”, the following idea is kind of implied, namely: look, guys, to be honest I don’t want to be pitiless. This individual did something embarrassing, something which speaks for itself. It’s not appropriate to be pitiless, because the situation is already embarrassing. There’s no need for further comments, the situation speaks for itself.

I noticed that some dictionaries explain this phrase in a way with which I agree only partially.

Because they essentially say that “stendiamo un velo pietoso” is a phrase used by someone who doesn’t want to talk about a certain topic, because this topic is for them unpleasant or painful. That is, someone doesn’t want to talk about certain things and says “stendiamo un velo pietoso”. Actually, in my opinion, that’s not exactly the case. Because such definition leaves out the humorous usage of the idiomatic phrase “stendiamo un velo pietoso”.

Or at least I for one have usually heard this phrase used in a humorous way. I mean, by someone who means: “I don’t want to make any comments”, but the very fact that they choose the phrase “un velo pietoso” – that’s in and of itself a comment.

That is, in other words, I’m gonna paraphrase how I understand the phrase “Stendiamo un velo pietoso”. 

This thing is so embarrassing for the person who did it, that I feel ashamed for them and prefer not to talk about it, and not to make any comments.

So, well, I associate this phrase not so much with something painful about which people don’t want to talk, but rather with something embarrassing or shameful, that is, something that’s better to pretend you didn’t see. What does it mean? It means that you don’t even want to make any comments about this soap opera because it is really embarrassing, that is, it speaks for itself.

Alright! Before I conclude, I’d like to point out something. As you noticed, the form that we use is “stendiamo un velo pietoso”. I say “stendiamo”, I don’t say “stendo un velo pietoso”. That’s the phrase and how we say: “stendiamo un velo pietoso”. Because cooperation is implied between the speaker and the person listening.

That is, together, let’s avoid to talk about this topic. Metaphorically speaking, this topic is like a corpse which is better to cover up, so that people passing by don’t see it, and in any case out of respect for the corpse itself.